Despair

Most people like to think that life is a fight, a struggle, that it is an episode of a big hit series where everything important keeps happening and you just go with it like an action start. That's the feeling that we get. 
There's no such thing as routine, boredom...
The thing is, life is not all of that. It is too many things, and different to everyone...but it all come down to the same model....
The truth is, life is mostly silent, quiet, something that moves forward slowly...that quiet unsettling feeling that engulfs you everyday a little bit more, that feeling that hurts just to think of. It's something that little by little surrounds you, swallows you into this slow-motion fall where you can see your death ahead, coming up year after year, and it goes for so long that you decide to ignore it, and pretend you will live forever, and that you have to embrace the falling and party over it while you can. But it doesn't change a thing...
There's no turning point in life, no rearranging of cast, no big plot twist. The main things in your life will happen and go away and no one will give a shit. Even your reaction about it will slowly go down into conformity and indifference.
Life is calm, bored, taking you down piece by piece. It is just a feeling that you get once in a while, that you're aging, that so much is gone, and you go crazy if you think about it too much. This mute scream, when nothing will ever happen, where nothing will turn out to take you out, because it's all the same out there. There's no hope or help, it's just this...this darkness, all around, this night and dawn, this feeling of struggle. In movies the hero will scream, fight, jump, roll, shoot, make his way through it. 
The pace is so different in reality, you will find yourself with a smile in your face while inside you're melting, screaming.
Outside, just peace.
You feel it growing, this despair. It consumes everything, and it does it so quietly.