While I'm still here

It's like your entire life was seen by yourself from outside a window.

You can look through it and even shout a thing or two, but in the end you're not doing that big of a difference on most of its outcome.

You had all these hopes and dreams, those rules and believes. And then, as life passes you by, you start getting disappointed with the people around you and specially yourself. And one day you turn your back and see that your footprints are a mess and the trail you took it's just one mistake after the other.

Life it's not that interesting anymore, is it?

As time goes by, you come to realize that you're not even closer to what you wanted to be, or even thought you were. And you start dropping stuff you held dear and believed in. It's so subtle. 

You hurt people you love, they hurt you back, and you start seeing everything differently.

All of the sudden you don't dream of a house with children and a dog. You look back at your old self and it hurts to see how many wrong steps you took from what you planned to be. 

can you imagine that now? Having children. How far from it have you come. That would be so unwise. You can't kill yourself if you have children. Not saying you have to take your own life. But can you imagine not having that option anymore? God that sucks.

And that's all you have now. Rants that you already know are stupid, silent complaints about stuff no one can do a thing about. You have those plans you tossed out the window, the aspirations you had as a young one, those thoughts of greatness, all filled with raw and thick disappointment. 

All of the sudden all you want is a deep cave with a tv and a video game so that you don't have to fail anymore. What you've done so far has been more than enough.